It has been ten and twenty days since I made my way up to the machines on the fourth floor. Usually I will venture up there for Cheez-Its and beef jerky on Friday mornings when I am hung over. (Something about bad snack food heals a wounded psyche/stomach.) Today was no different. I was going to cut out of work and get a greasy hamburger but then it struck me, “Hey stupid. You have all those leftovers ones… go get some jerky!” I was so excited about the prospect of processed meat that I ran up the stairs. That was ultimately a bad idea because I got dizzy and almost threw up.
There are several occasions throughout the day when I question my options and this was most certainly one of those occasions. Pop Tarts? (Not the nasty ones… the strawberry ones!) Peanuts? Snickers? NO. It’s Cheez-Its or bust. And lo… the beef jerky is on clearance for $.75. Cha-ching. I was getting ready to leave (and safely take the elevator back down one floor) when my eyes registered on a sultry sack of roasted almonds. “Mmmmm,” I thought, “Those look so good but almonds give me horrible indigestion.Come on, Crosby! Man up and get those almonds.” Boom. Seventy five cents later, the sultry sack of almonds is mine.
I bend over to get my breakfast and something odd happened: A flash of red anger came over me. My sultry sack was no more. Behind the shitty sack of roasted almonds I just bought was a pack of Jalepeno roasted almonds. “Someone is going to pay for this,” I thought. 90 seconds is how long I stood there contemplating buying another bag of nuts that was already giving me heartburn by just coveting them through a thin layer of plexiglass.
I turned to leave, defeated.
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